Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Its EVERYWHERE.

As I am going through this 6 weeks of no dating, and really learning more about me, digging deep..

I have come to realize that the thing I am trying to stop myself from doing, wanting and hoping for(a guy/relationship), is REALLY hard when everywhere I seem to turn its in my face. The shows I watch, sitting at the coffee shop, watching people everywhere. I have a bit of a problem of seeing a relationship happening, whether it on tv or watching a couple, my mind goes into this million a mile fantasy world if only I had that.

Its really hard, and I hate watching some shows now, because one thing too its all lies. Things don't happen so easily for everyone. This is a problem growing up as a girl this is the things I saw, the things I dreamed about, I read books about love, and its all lies. Yes I know love and romance happen but they make it look so easy and simple. Life is complicated along with love.

I started reading a book about being single called Lady in Waiting. and its about Becoming God's Best While Waiting for Mr. Right. I am only 2 chapters in, but its really good, and a lot of what it has said I know, but it digs a bit deeper. It talked about not waiting around for Mr. right, that you need to enjoy this time because its really a short time in life. So I am really trying to focus my energy on other things, and what I can be doing in this season of my life, with my freedom. I know in time everything I hope for will happen, but I also need to hope for realistic things in this point of time. 

For along time with dating I wasn't picking guys that were right for me, always one of the first questions my mom would ask if she knew I was dating someone was, "is he a christian?" And I use to hate it! And I would get mad. Other people would ask the same, and to be honest I told myself it didn't matter if the guy really was or not. I think part of it was that I didn't think I was worthy of Godly man. I don't know I really knew my place on where I stood with God, and I didn't think it was fair to say I wanted that in a guy when I wasn't that person. Plus in my head I thought oh if I made that my #1 priority I would NEVER find Mr. Right. As I have thought a lot about this in the last week I know this isn't true. And it's something I know has to be my #1!

So this blog has shifted to something new and maybe what it was meant for. 

I would love your prayers as I go through this journey of finding myself and figuring this all out!

Thanks!