She's NOT gonna date.

So another guy has come and gone. I don't even understand how this happens to me. I thought things were mostly going well and we went out last wed night and had a fun time. And then I kinda mentioned us doing something fun Saturday together and he seemed cool with it, and then we talked a bit Friday afternoon and then Friday night I asked if he was still game for doing something Saturday...And he never responded...and Saturday morning came and went, no word from him so I texted to say hey. Still nothing, so then I was just nice and said hey don't know if you still wanted to do something tonight, but if not no big deal, I just want to figure it out so I can make other plans. Nothing from him. And I was freaking out more then I was letting it seem, maybe because this all happened to me last time, and this time I didn't want to waste my time. So a few hours later I said "well I guess that's a no hope you have a good weekend" That's it. But I was really sad and bummed. Plus I wasn't feeling good so it made it worse. Still of course heard nothing from him Sunday. My last attempted to just have a clean break I texted him last night just to ask what happened and he FINALLY responded and said.... " I left my phone at a guys house Friday night. By the time I realized where it was it was late and it seemed to me that you'd overreacted , so I overreacted by not responding. That's about it" While I am glad he responded I just felt worse. I said I was sorry, but I don't feel like I REALLY overrated. I don't know.

Maybe I am just not suppose to be dating right now, and that is what all this has come down to. It was semi fun in the beginning and I let myself think this would all be fun. But it's not fun, because I don't just want to date. I want to fall in love, I want to be loved. I want to be married. And to date just to date is not me, I don't know why I thought I could do this.

I know I shouldn't beat myself up about this all, but I do.

I let guys and dating put too much vaule on who I am. I know this. And it makes me feel dumb to say that. I know I need to figure out being happy alone before anything else. I just don't know how to do that.

I don't want to be looked at like oh the poor single girl. That's not fun. Being single is not fun.

I have thought about this all yesterday and I think I am just going to take a brake. I know it will NOT be easy for me. But if I don't do this I think I am just going to be in a really bad pattern of all this.

We are starting this 6 week journey at church and I feel like its a good time to start a NO dating strike. I feel like this next 6 weeks with out dating will let me focus on me more and figuring out ME.

I might come back and write a bit about stuff in the next 6 weeks, and it's not like I am not writing guys off, if something comes along I can still talk to a guy, but be honest and say I am not gonna date right now. This is just something I NEED for me. Did I mention this is gonna be HARD?

Date #17

The background story-- Same ole same ole, we met online. We talked for like two days before he asked, which is sometimes just nice.


The Guy--
Age: 29
Job: In med school. (he was in the marines)
What he wore: Jeans and a polo and good preppy shoes :)

The Date--  He was very nice and asked if there was any bar or restaurant that I haven't gone to that I was wanting to check out, but since I kinda wanted to see what he would come up with said not on the top of my head. He then asked if I liked Thai, um score! yes its my favorite. So he asked about Teak if I had been there, and I said yes once, while I would have loved to go there again, he hasn't been to any Thai place here and my favorite is Green Papaya, so that's where we went. He asked what time worked best for me to PICK me up, and most of the time on first dates, when I haven't met the guy I don't let him pick me up, but I had a good feeling about him so I let him. He picked me up almost right on time (I hate when guys are late). He came to the door(points), you would be surprised how many guys text and say "I am here" dumb.  And we went to dinner, things were good, we had lots to talk about. We talked a lot about our families, my job, his med school stuff, his time in the marines. There was no short in conversation. After dinner he asked if I wanted to go grab a drink, so off the a local bar we went and had a couple of drink. It was easy and fun. The excitement of a first date is the fun of it all, but at the same time the leading up to a first date is what I hate the most! He then took me home and we said bye. BUT he texted me later and said " I had a great time with you Sara :) You are even prettier in person than I could have hoped for. And yes, you are very interesting in a good way" EEK. That boy knows how to get a girl happy. That bit about being interesting was a bit of a inside joke, because I the way back from the bar he was saying he had fun and said something like I am a interesting person. But the way he had said it, it sounded kinda bad, and I joked with him about how it sounded bad. Fun times. So I am excited, we had the date tues night and already went out again Saturday night :)

He seems much more serious about things then most guys I have dated, which is good. We have had some semi serious talks about marriage and kids and where we want to be in the next 5 years.

The hard moments.

I wrote this little bit on a draft that I was not going to share, but as one of those moments I just wanted to remember last week...

"It was "date" #4 with Jonny last night. We just hung out at his place and I stayed the night. But there was a moment last night when we were in bed and I think I can now say I really like that guy. He had been rubbing my back and he knew my week had been kinda stressful, and after rubbing my back he could tell I was really tense and kept asking what was wrong and I said nothing, and he knew that wasn't true. And then he held me and kinda pushed the issue, in a good way, of me telling him, but I was feeling a bit emotional and felt like if I talked I would cry and no one wants that. And he even said its okay to cry, just that feeling that I felt like he knew me. And he said "you are laying in my bed with me, if you can't talk then what is the point og this" And he was right. And I talked about a bit and teared up a bit, and he was the comfort and the laughter I needed. It was a good moment."

There was a moment I was happy and excited to see where things would end up. I WAS HAPPY!
And then these quickly changed. I don't like talking about this part of dating. Because I feel like I failed. I don't even know what changed. He just stopped talking to me. No explanation. Just no response. And to say that's frustrating is a understatement.  So this part of dating is what I hate and I think whats the point in this. So its been a rough week, to say the least. Just another part of the story I thought I would share.

Date #16 and a bit more.

So this date was interesting in a way of the story that leads up to it. So this guy we had acutally been talking to for what seemed like a while and I really had no idea if he was ever going to ask me out!

But there are always certain guys I am always more excited to go out with, where some I like but not totally sure about, maybe like last guy. #15. So after I had gone out with #15, #16 asked if I wanted to grab drinks or coffee this weekend. Well I had already made plans to go on a another date with #15, but to be honest I still wasn't really sure what I thought about him. So I made plans with him for Sunday night. Well THEN I had like a really GREAT time with #15 Saturday and didn't know how this was all going to work. But I kept my date with #16 and we had drinks. And it was fun. He was VERY my type. Tall. Preppy. And he was wearing TOMS. My type. lol

And so then I was VERY confused as what to do. Luckily my week was SUPER busy so there wasn't going to be a chance to go out with #16 again and then I was going away for the weekend. Which he knew about. So I thought things maybe will just work themselves out. And I saw #15 again for a quick movie night Monday night and still really liked him.

Well me and #16 talked here and there for a week and then I got a super nice text from him saying he had been causally dating someone and they just decided to make it exclusive. He was very nice about it and I wasn't bummed out, so I think it was good and all worked out.

And I am still going on dates with #15 and I have to say I really like him, I am always nervous about how much to share in the start of dating, because I am nervous it won't last and then its that blah time where you have to say nope no more. But things are going slow and good and we will see. I am still up in the air on if I am going to keep going on dates. While I like #15 I feel like its okay to go on first dates with other guys because we aren't in any way serious....

So that's whats happening right now!

Date #15

The background story-- We talked for a little while before the date, my schedule was really busy so we finally made a date for mid week. 

The Guy--
Age: 25
Job: Works in insurance but also going to school for his MBA
What he wore: Jeans and a Tee (a bit more hipster)


The Date-- We met up at the wine place right near my house (his idea for wine, major points!) The date was fun, could have been all that wine ;) I think its really hard to know FOR SURE after a first date how you feel, most times both parties are a bit nervous. I also wasn't 100% sure if he was my type. But our conversation was good, I felt like we both laughed a lot which is important in my book.

So THENNNN I told my self if he asked I would go on another date, because I had fun, so if nothing else it would be a good time. And so he did, and we went out again Saturday night. And it was like a lot of fun, and it just felt easy and like I was really myself. I didn't expect it to go as well as it really did, and before the date I made plans to go on ANOTHER drink date with a DIFFERENT guy for Sunday night.....So yea things are gonna get interesting I think...

Stay tuned!

Date #14

This post is gonna be a bit different then most have been, mostly because I feel like I just need to write. Dating is HARD. I don't think women talk about how hard it is, other then with their super close friends, because I think its hard to admit when a date does lead to something more. Even though myself I know that it didn't work out it was because it wasn't the right thing for both people, its hard. And I probably beat myself up over it more then I should.

Lets be real a moment. Its draining. Getting to know someone, and to feel like you trust them enough to open up to them takes a lot. And then to try not to get your hopes up too much after a date, when we all do, is hard. And then there is the moment after a date that I try not to get to excited or try not to over think it all, which never works. And then its the awful moment when he says there wasn't that click.

And I try not to let it get to me. And I know its incredibly silly to get sad about a guy after one date. But I do. And that's me. Which makes me think I shouldn't be dating, because it's this awful cycle.

But in the end, I still want that ONE person. I want to BE in love, and to be LOVED. I know all this will be worth it someday. And if I don't put myself out there I won't find that, so I am gonna keep going as HARD as it sometimes is. I try to keep telling myself to just ENJOY it. Enjoy Enjoy Enjoy!

So clearly date #14 is not the one. Maybe I will make it all the way to my goal of dates for the year.

Date #13

Because I kinda skipped this one I will make a quick story just so its documented! :)

You remember date #12? How it was this picnic date...Well a few days after that one I went on another one and it was a picnic date again. But this one I was excited about!

The weather was a bit iffy, but it was sunning for the first part of it, and he had played to make some yummy food, and I said I would bring desserts. So we put out a blanket in the grass and really I thought had some good conversation, we ate our food and chatted and chatted, and then it started to rain a bit, nothing major so stayed put and enjoyed more conversation. We ended up talking for like 3 hours and I thought it was good.....But then he never called after the date.

So moral of, as I should know by now is that just because its a good date doesn't mean much.

The end. Of 13 of course.